Sunday, February 6, 2011

Free Write, Week 4

Merry Father's Day

I was just an embryo when my father left. I had anencephaly for a few weeks from my mother’s heart bleeding once she noticed all his clothes disappeared like a ghost from their small closet. I would have slapped him with my tail if I wasn’t so comfortably warm in that place I like to compare to heaven. That was back then I was trapped and cramped for space but now I’m out, healthy, living, and continuing to grow without any of your love. One day I picked up a gun, contemplating shooting my brains out to the sun because I was tired of having to point out that you were never there to share any of my childhood memories with me. Tired of waking up in the middle of the night without mom being sleep in her bed because of her third job as a waitress at a restaurant to try to keep the lights on. Balancing stress, mom just couldn’t teach me how to be a man. It seems as if you forgot that physically and emotionally, me and the woman you once loved are completely different. Though it was hard, she tried her best to make me understand the good and the bad in both sexes. I was saved by someone even though I didn’t know their name or where they lived but all I knew was that they prayed. No bullets in the gun that I wanted to end my life. Relief seeped through my skin as I cried on my mother’s bosom. I used to loathe not knowing you as a man and as my father because I ached for your love but now I love you unconditionally for whatever you were and were not because it made me a better man than mom could ever imagine. 

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