Monday, January 31, 2011

Free Write, Week 3

I thought it was abstract
so how come when I 
go to CVS the day before
the dumbest holiday ever created,
by humans of course, 
I can touch the bears, candy stored in boxes with pretty ribbons,
red, pink, and white pencils and pens, and the list goes on?

why didn't they just leave it the way it should be, untouched but well loved.

1 comment:

  1. Atarah, the first line is beneficial because it draws the reader in. I think there should be a comma after the first line to make it stand on its own. You did a great job of showing without telling, and there is no question about the topic. The thought of Valentine’s Day being abstract is nonexistent; people don’t understand the meaning of love. The incorporation of CVS possessed imagery, and played on the fact that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. The best line is at the end, it concludes well. The only other thing I would suggest is creating more imagery, pulling out more material objects that one uses to show “love”.